Title: The Beguiling of Bruce Wayne
Summary: The Joker’s behaving awfully romantic for some reason.
Chapters: 3/?
Chapters: 3/?
Pairing: Batman/Joker
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything.
A/N: This fic operates on the premise that Joker somehow knows of Batman's identity.
A/N2: Cakes and condoms for my FABULOUS reviewers- I will reply your comments as soon as schedule permits me more than 3 hours of solid sleep a day. Please enjoy the show, and dont forget to post a msg. I LOVE messages.
3
That trice-cursed Joker was on TV again.
In fact, he had managed to plaster his ugly mug on ever single satellite broadcasting through Gotham, despite the fact that not a single bomb had gone off yet. Interrupted emergency podcast flashed through every one of the thirty five screens in his downtown office, streaming live montages of the Joker waving at cameras and cop cars from the entrance of Wayne Tower.
The cameras paned into a battered, ominous looking violin case at the Joker’s feet as newscasters vied to out-speculate each other about the calibre of explosives that probably lay within it.
“Ohhhhhahahah, an audience,” Joker finished powdering his face and blew a coy kiss at the newscasters and gawking crowd. I’m ready for my close up now, Mister Demille! Heeehehehhehehe!”
He tossed the compact over his shoulder and picked up the violin case whilst beckoning to the cameras with a white gloved hand. “Oh for –come closer! Cut an aspiring artist some slack, cant ya tell I took extra long with my make up today?”
A loudspeaker throbbed to life from the roof of a police car. “Freeze, Joker. Drop the case!”
Joker cocked his head. “Are you sure? I mean, the contents are kinda… fragile. Look, I’ll even show ya.”
Gasps as the latches clicked. The crowd retreated on itself; live cameras flinching away from the Joker with all angles awry.
Helpless with rage, Bruce cursed the state of the art bullet-proof sanctuary he was stuck in- now thankfully barred against the anxious squawking noises that Wayne security and the boardmembers are making, while twenty four stores below his arch nemesis was extracting a – a –
Disbelief made his jaw drop.
God- BLAST that infernal clown.
*
Joker crooned in delight as he lovingly slid a lime green electric fiddle on his shoulder and gave it an experimental caress. He stopped, looking out at the gaping crowd as if noticing them for the first time.
“An explanation is appropriate, yes? Yes. Well this is for my Bruce. He’s got this big balcony, I’m sure - up there- to somewhere..” Joker gestured vaguely at the sky. “And I’m gonna give him, well-”
A tissue found its way to the Jokers nose. “I’m poor, you see. So I’m going to give him- a SERAnade.”
The cameras suddenly became very enthusiastic as the Joker burst into a frenzy of song.
“O my darling, o my darling, o my darrrrrrling Clementine-”
*
“What do you expect to be able to extort from Mister Wayne?” one of the more foolhardy reporters pressed.
The screeching died an abrupt death, leaving a silence that was impossibly, more disturbing than his playing had been.
“Extort?” The Joker whispered, patting down his jacket to extricate a single action Jericho which he swung lazily on one gloved finger. “Why are you people always wanting to turn a perfectly good love story into something so sordid?”
The whirling circle of cameras were starting to retreat again, so joker hurriedly tried to explain.
“See. I’m not hurting anyone. See? Just little old me, standing here by my lonesome, with nobody dead. It s safe, Brucie. Safe to come out and plaaaay.” The green fiddle resumed it hideous screeching.
From somewhere in the safetly of the crowd one of the police officers found half a ball and shouted out; “Freakshow!“
“But what a show it will be! Except I really need a second act,” Joker dropped his violin and peered into a camera. “Helloooo! How’s the view from the batcave? I hope he’s watching this, I really do.”
“Miste- Mister Joker-”
“Yeeesss?” The clown was all coyness.
“Its highly irregular to, that is for you to-”
“Well sweetheart, they do say that about love. Highly. Irregular. Feel my heartbeat, do.”
The reporter scrambled away before the Joker could grab her hand. “What would you say to Bruce Wayne if you could see him now?”
“Say! Why say when we could do?”
Incredibly, the crowd actually tittered. Bruce grimaced in disgust as he surveyed the sway he Joker was holding over his audience. It was time for Batman to put a stop to this sideshow.
“And what would you ask Mister Wayne to do with you?” snickered another journalist too stupid to know he was being lead by the nose.
Joker considered this question at leisure, one finger tapping at his chin. “What do ask for from the boy who has everything?” His face brightens, and he sticks his face into the camera. “A kiss! Ah but not from you, Bruceie boy. No offence intended. You’re a little... meek. We like the Batman more, yes we do. Ask him to come out. We know he’s here- listening. Its really not fair to only let the Bat come out at night.”
Bruce had seen enough.
*
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Comments
(Sorry I can't add more...I'm kind of a bad critic...I'm only good for claps and cheers)
claps n cheers are honest!
thank ye much :)
oh a squeeeler.
i can RECOGNISE a squeeler when i see one.
me likes.
and i like the idea of you staying around for the rest of it!
thank you!
that's all i have to say
okokokokok!
thanks and stay tuned
:)
yay cant wait for you to wait for more!
u bring sunny skies, ghost walker thing.
next chapter shd be posted within the nest 24..
love your pic btw.
you're welcomed. i live for reviews like yours.
more songs a coming.
a whole LOT more. muahahahahaha.
u know, the joker agrees with you 100% abt the win bit.
sadly, bruce was not availible for comment.
*shrugs*
it wasnt hard. the joker does love the sound of his own voice :)
many thanks!
thanks for the review, and pls stay tuned
ahahahahah.
next chap in 24 hrs! am a thing of my word too.
oh thank you thank you thank you!
it was an agony of a choice- i had pretty narrowed it down btw a fiddle and a harmonica.
watch out for more lime green things making cameos!
thank you so much, and i am loving your picture! drool.
i can imagine that the joker does too.
poor bruce. if he wasnt such a masochist, his character wld be on strike by now.
thanks for your review!
:DDDDD
I'm waiting anxiously for the next chapter~
thank you so much for your comments. made my day.
joker telling the story of joker - as if this story is only as true as it remains amusing.
Clara